The Super Sports Parlay: An Ocean’s Eleven Scenario

One of the great heist movies of the new millennium, Ocean’s Eleven, plays out before our eyes on an evening basis.

Every time we whip out the iPhone, fire up the DraftKings app, and lay a 12- or 13-bet parlay in hopes of capping a single four-figure score, we’re surely tapping into our inner Danny Ocean (George Clooney).

Ocean’s sites were big – his plan was to knock off the three gaudiest casinos on the Vegas strip, all the while jacking the guy schmoozing his trophy of an ex-wife.

Eyeing the big bonanza, Ocean calls upon every A-lister from Cooperstown to pull off what’s undoubtedly the most convoluted scheme in the history of organized theft.

The take is a dizzying hundred and sixty mil, more than enough green to split eleven ways, assuming the whole thing goes down without a glitch.

The problem is that Ocean’s plot wasn’t just about a few stars being aligned. The entire solar system had to be in perfect synch for this thing to actually work.

In other words, each of Ocean’s cronies had to be on their game – and with zero tolerance for error.

As the plan is finally set in motion in the film’s second hour, we realize the complexity of it all – and see that if one conceivable detail goes awry, the entire ploy and all its elaborate planning are instantly derailed.

And the possibilities of failure seem endless. Just imagine...

What if Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) didn’t happen to notice Ocean lounging in the west slots ... or opt for him to be escorted to the back room, thereby granting him access to the precious vault?

What if Basher’s “pinch” is an epic bust – and instead of the entire Vegas strip going dark, it’s instead lights out on their operation?

What if Tess (Julia Roberts) changed the blazer into which Ocean slipped a flip phone some ninety minutes prior ...

Or what if she couldn’t hear it ringing over the roar of a sellout heavyweight championship fight crowd at the raucous MGM Grand Garden?

What if Benedict didn’t leave Linus (Matt Damon) to wander about his private quarters unattended when the latter claimed to have forgotten his briefcase?

What if Yen’s left hamstring cramped up from being stuffed into that money cart, causing him to undershoot the backflip to the cabinet and thereby setting off the alarm?

What if the Power Twins prematurely intervened during Bruiser’s faux-beatdown of Ocean ... or Benedict returned ninety seconds earlier to see that what Bruiser was really roughing up was the palm of his own hand?

What if Saul, supposedly stricken with a massive coronary, were to belt out an errant sneeze, cough, burp, or ass gas while being declared deceased by doctor-in-disguise Rusty (Brad Pitt)?

Or what if Tess was taking a Calgon when the call came in for her to turn to channel eighty-eight?

Success was dependent upon a series of variables in which everything had to go just right.

Likewise, your 11-bet parlay could rake in a nifty little treasure, perhaps a few coins shy of what dwelled in the vault at the Bellagio, but massive nonetheless.

Let’s say you’ve wagered the Lions-Packers and Rams-Seahawks to hit the over, Saquon Barkley to rip out fifty in the second half, Jokic to drop at least twenty-five on the Lakers, Giannis to grab ten boards for the Bucks, and the Red Wings to upend the Flyers via the money line.

Perhaps you got carried away, a little greedy even, and added the Bruins-Maple Leafs to go under five and a half goals, Baker Mayfield to go pick-free, and Duke to drub Syracuse by more than twenty.

One domino doesn’t comply and the entire chain is fatally halted.

An unexpected windstorm could sweep across the frozen Lambeau tundra, cooling off the Lions and Packer scoring machines.

An injury on the Rams’ defensive line could, in turn, tempt the Seahawks to prioritize the run, which, in turn, impedes scoring enough to land beneath the O/U equator.

Barkley could strain a hammy on the opening drive ...

Or maybe have forty-seven yards with two minutes to play, only for the Birds to take a knee and run out the clock...

Jokic could have pregame diarrhea...

Or Murray could be so lights out beyond the arc that the injury-conscious Nuggets run up a 30-point halftime lead and decide to rest Jokic’s three-time MVP ass.

Giannis, though a perennial rebounding machine, could get double-teamed and see his double-figure expectations fall woefully short.

Plagued by diarrhea?

Mike Evans could slip on some slick turf during his slant route and Mayfield’s intended strike could drop into the hands of a Panther DB.

The Bruins, vying for a tie, could pull Jeremy Swayman from the net a tad early, resulting in a Leafs empty-netter to foil your under bid.

Duke could run up a 30-point halftime lead on the Orange, pull their starters in favor of the scrubs, and watch their gargantuan lead wither down to 19.

Sure, the super parlay wager gets our juices flowing in a way like none other. Ultra enticing is the prospect of floating a ten-spot and ringing up an $8,000 payday.

Inching closer to the big prize feels like the equivalent of hitting the first four numbers of Power Ball.

Notching the first eleven of your twelve-bet parlay triggers a full-fledged arousal.

And it’s that very thrill that’s nudging sports parlay wagers into the mainstream alongside Keno tickets and scratch cards.

Because let’s be honest – there’s a little bit of Danny Ocean in all of us.

T-Ballgame