Beauty or Bandit? How to Select a Compatible Slot Machine

Settling on a Slot

Detective James Carter, played with the utmost jackassery by Chris Tucker, strolls into a Chinese massage parlor at the outset of Rush Hour 2.

The doors are soon parted to reveal an entire smorgasbord of young Asian beauties, at which point Carter feels like a child in a penny candy store.

Of course, he cannot choose just one to perform his “massage” (wink-wink), and so he splurges on the curvaceous one, the leggy one, the busty one, the petite one ... oh, hell, I’ll take ‘em all.

Such is the dilemma for worshippers of the slot machine, where the options are appealing and aplenty.

The bandits come in all colors, shapes, and sizes, spitting out sounds and imagery pleasing to the eyes and ears. Many are based on 70’s TV series, 80’s action flicks, flying superheroes, flowers, foods, fruits, fish, and nearly every furry creature in the Serengeti.

You can easily lose yourself in the electric aisles, where the machinery seems to outnumber the human beings playing them.

While all slot junkies seem to have a handful of personal favorites, deciding upon the right one is always a far more tedious task.

You can spend hours on the wrong machine, sliding your weekly income into its slot to feed the money-sucking beast.

Or you can select your one-armed counterpart rather wisely, and ring up a jackpot that exceeds your last paycheck.

The Rush Hour 2 smorgasbord

While brains and beauty may be the criteria for choosing your human partner, selecting the perfect slot comes down to two other elements: volatility and RTP.

VOLATILITY

The volatility of the machine, also known as its variance, is perhaps the most prevailing characteristic of that puppy you’re planning to play.

Although the term likely describes your relationship with an ex-spouse, the volatility of a slot is far less traumatic and costly. It aptly describes the frequency of your victories and the magnitude of the ensuing payoffs.

For instance, high volatility machines are engineered for patient pursuers of the big payoffs. It’s a high-risk, high-reward endeavor in which you can spin the wheels forever without a single score, but when it finally hits ... watch out!

The bonuses are few, but the payoffs can be extraordinary, thereby appeasing the more devout, thrill-seeking players.

Low volatility machines are quite the contrary, indulging players in more frequent wins and bonuses, but with far less significant rewards.

Low frequency slots bring a minimum risk and therefore appeal to the more casual, novice players. He or she can play comfortably for lengthy periods without sizeable wins or losses.

And the medium volatility slots fall somewhere in between, offering a steady balance of bonus hits and moderate payouts, keeping the player engaged with the action.

Medium volatility machines are perhaps the most frequent on campus, many wavering toward the lower or higher ends of volatility.

Online sources abound for determining the volatility of a machine, so sharpen up on your googling skills before feeding the beast.

RTP

When selecting a potential significant other, there are numerous key statistics that come into play: looks, physical dimensions, personality, financial income, and, in modern times, the all-important one: political affiliation.

Joking aside, the ultra-critical quality to consider for bonding with a slot machine is its RTP (Return to Player).

The RTP calculates the percentage of cash returned to the player after a designated time period, be it short-term or long. For example, a machine with an RTP of 95 will pay out ninety-five dollars for every Benjamin (one-hundred bucks) invested. A slot machine’s RTP is typically determined by game developers and various regulatory agencies.

Although the RTP reveals the general monetary kickback, it provides neither the frequency nor magnitude of wins. An RTP does not necessarily coincide with a slot machine’s volatility levels.

However, a lower RTP tends to intertwine with machines of higher volatility, attracting the big jackpot hunters who can endure longer spells of bonus inactivity.

The medium for RTP percentages, the industry plain Janes, seems to hover around 96 percent, while a 98 percent beauty is a bona fide keeper.

Meantime, the slots with a sub-95 RTP aptly qualify as the ugly ducklings of the joint.